Only a Moment Ago

Topic: Who Are You?

Nearly 2 years ago I left a household of abuse, neglect, and suffering. After I left, things changed and I was able to find my real father; this is when my life changed. I have never had a real family, but today my life is full of family members and wonderful friends who love me very much. I have a real family now. My family is who has shaped who I am, whether they were the abusive mother and step-father, or the wonderful, heroic father, step-mother, and grandparents. Who I am today has been shaped by the trials I have gone through, and the family I will always have.

He walked into the restaurant, and immediately he became my number one hero. He walked with confidence as he held his head up high. I wondered how he could be my hero in a matter of moments when I had never met him before. My wonderful Daddy is my hero, and from that night on, he has been the person who has saved and changed my life.

He told me not too long ago that the moment that is most precious to him and touched his heart the most, was when he walked in those doors and I stood up and had the biggest smile a girl could have on her face. He was surprised by the smile because he could not understand why I, who never met him before, could be so happy to see him. It was because that moment in time was life changing. I am my own person now because of him.

It feels like yesterday I was sitting at my house in Blue Springs, MO babysitting my 3 rambunctious siblings before my mother came home from work. For 5 years I was trapped in this situation. I look on my previous livelihood and wonder how I managed to get so far in so little time. I also wonder, after living in what seemed to be hell on Earth, how I did not resort to alternative methods for getting rid of the pain. When I was in Blue Springs, I was not really an individual and I was not free. I did not do the things normal teenagers did; but what is normal these days? Nothing can truly be considered normal. It was not normal for me to have to live each day in fear that I would get hurt. All I had then was hope that I would make it to the next day.

I am freer than I have ever been in my entire life. I am a person who has stepped up to the challenge of being a big sister to many siblings. I have 9 siblings in all, though some are not blood related. The first 2 sisters and brother I had I practically helped raise. I was their security blanket when my mother and step-father were out of town working, or when they would come home and abuse us. I am also a person who is now living what used to be a fairy tale to me. I am getting help with college and actually being able to get and use tools that will help me live a better life. I am an individual who loves to play video games, draw, read fantasy or fictional books, and be with family and friends. I am a supportive girlfriend to my heroic boyfriend who is in the Army in Iraq at this present time. I have been told that I have a good head on my shoulders and that I am very mature for my age. Sometimes I wish that was not the case, because then that would mean I have actually had a childhood, when I really have not. None of this can really define me though.

I can say all these things that I am, but I really have not discovered who I am. I do not think I will really know who I am for a long while. I still have many things to discover about myself and many things to learn. Who knows, maybe when I move out on my own finally will be when I find myself. Right now I just live life the best I can, and I am always grateful for the changes that have only occurred in the past 2 years.